My Holiday Season Survival Guide
My three-year-old daughter scampered about the yard this morning, celebrating the crisp air and shouting, “It’s Christmas time! It’s Christmas time!” And roughly every fifteen minutes, she wants reassurance and asks, “Mommy, is it Christmas time?” (This question has been ongoing for the past two weeks, mind you.) “Yes,” I reply. And sometimes I want to respond with, “Yes, it’s Christmas time. Heaven help me! Calgon take me away!” Why? Because in between the cute TV commercials I see news “flashes” about our recession. And because as a newly single mom with a new position here at NYFC, I’m trying to re-establish some balance. If I’m not mindful, the additional holiday stress could kick my blood pressure up a notch. So, I’ve decided to approach this holiday season with a new perspective, and I’ll share some of that with you. This is nothing revolutionary. It just involves a few strategies I’ve picked up through the years and modified for the holidays. (It pays sometimes to work in a place where one is surrounded by professional therapists.) Before I continue, I want to clarify that I celebrate Christmas, and I’ll be referring to it within my survival guide. If you celebrate a different holiday, I have confidence some or all of these strategies will transfer. It’s also my survival guide, so at the risk of sounding self-absorbed, I’m writing in the first person. It also means that you can take or leave some or all of the following tips!
First and foremost, I will keep the big picture in front of me at all times. The season means the most to my daughter, who, as I said is three years old. So much is new to her and inspires awe. Therefore, I will attempt to think of the holiday season from her perspective and act accordingly…within reason, of course. There is freedom in doing this because what it means is the following (not ranked in order of importance):
#1: I will not exhaust myself by decorating the house. My decorations will be determined by the three-year-old. As a result, some older folks will describe my holiday decor as “pathetic.” I even chuckle at our tree with its pink tinsel, glaring bald spots, lopsided decorations and lights. My daughter loves it, however, and she helped adorn it, so it’s perfect.
#2: I will get the kiddo a Christmas gift she’ll like and use, rather than what I think will dazzle her. Although I think the roaring, stomping, remote controlled dinosaur in a display box at Target would make her Christmas morning the best ever, she enjoys it thoroughly at Target. It makes our trips to the store fun for her. If I bought that thing, it would break my budget, and she would no longer have that dinosaur to look forward to when we visit Target. Watercolors and paper won’t break my budget, however, and if she plays with a watercolor set for 10 minutes before getting bored with it, I won’t be too upset about that.
#3: I will say “No.” Since this is a favorite word for many three-year-olds, I will adopt it.
I recognize there are limits to what I can do if I want to stay healthy and sane. Prioritizing is essential. That means I might turn down an invitation in order to rest and regain some energy. That means I won’t spend time and money buying little gifts to keep on hand in case a neighbor I hardly know shows up with a present.
#4: I will be flexible. This will require me to stay focused on the big picture. For instance, it isn’t necessary to force the kiddo to sit through an entire holiday concert, when we can slip out early and end the day in a happy mood. It isn’t necessary for me to teach my daughter to ice-skate. Instead, I’ll wait until my brother gets in town because unlike me, he can actually skate. It will give my daughter another great memory with her “Uncle Boo,” and I will have less stress (and fewer injuries).
#5: I will participate in a toy drive to help my daughter learn about reality and the importance of giving.
#6: I will add wiggle room into my schedule to allow time for the unexpected or to take a nap!
#7: I will not make cookies from scratch when the ready-made will do just fine.
#8: I will love my daughter well by including her father in our holiday celebrations.
#9: I will put aside my pride and accept others’ help and generosity, knowing that friendship involves accepting as well as giving.
#10: I will remember to breathe.
Please share your holiday survival guide and stress management tips with us.
From all of us at NYFC, Happy Holidays!
Just Breathe….and then What?
I don’t know what your days are like, but I imagine they’re something like mine.
Here we go: Be rudely awakened by alarm. Roll out of bed, crawl into shower, debate whether it’s really necessary to shave my legs. Out of the shower, shuffle to kitchen and grab much-needed cup of coffee. Open fridge to get breakfast for my little girl. Notice independent ecosystems inside 3 left-over containers. Vow to throw them out tonight. Turn on Sesame Street to keep the kiddo occupied while I get myself ready for the day. Kiss husband goodbye. Redress daughter because she has put on her clothes inside-out and/or backwards. Return to kitchen, open pantry to grab some bread in order to make a sandwich to take for lunch because I’m determined to save some money and quit eating fast food. Remove mold from corners of the 2 remaining slices of bread. Throw lunch in to-go bag. Fill my overpriced Starbucks travel mug with a second round of coffee. Pick up newspaper on our way to the car, which desperately needs washing, and hope to read newspaper during lunch at work. Promptly exit car and return to house because I forgot something, and then forget what that something was by the time we get inside. Stomp back to vehicle. Remain calm while (1) agreeing with child as to the beauty of dandelions in our yard and (2) demanding that she get her little behind in the carseat right now. Drive lil’ britches to learning center and fret about how I’m running late yet again.
Get to the office, respond to emails while fielding calls, answering questions from entire world (okay, a few colleagues). Attempt to make progress on projects with rapidly approaching deadlines. Realize at lunchtime that I forgot to eat breakfast, forgot about a doctor’s appointment (which was indeed on my calendar), and forgot to have daughter brush her teeth. Wonder if I filled the dogs’ water bowl. Reluctantly eat lunch with my colleagues instead of at my desk, which I believe I really should do because the pile of work is growing rather than shrinking. Enjoy some gallows humor during lunch along with relentless teasing about my PB&J and drinking milk from a Lightning McQueen sippy cup (it’s all I could find). The afternoon continues like the morning, and the project with the now-closer deadline remains virtually untouched. Go home, water garden, feed dogs, make dinner, attempt to have uninterrupted conversation with husband, get daughter to bed. Glare at basket of clean clothes needing folding. Curse the clock because it’s already 10pm, and I have 14 loads of laundry needing washing (okay, 4). Squat down to pick up a wayward toy and wince at how much harder it is to get back up than it used to be, scold myself for never exercising, and worry about what I’ll be like when I’m 70 if I can hardly pick myself up off the floor now! Crawl into bed around 11pm, and realize I’m too pooped to read the newspaper.
I bet you can relate.
“Breathe,” I’ve been told. “Just breathe.”
So, during lunch today, I asked one of my colleagues here at NYFC who happens to be our full-time therapist, “So, Pat, I breathe. Then what?”
Pat’s reply: “Well, breathing helps manage the stress, but you can take action in order to reduce that stress.”
“Like what, Ms. Therapist?” And two other colleagues pipe in, “Yeah, Pat, like what?”
“Prioritize.” She says. “Determine what is most important. For instance, is the laundry really necessary to do at 10 at night, or can it wait ‘til Saturday?”
One colleague responds in her usual fashion, “Yeah, it can wait if I wear my underwear inside-out.”
Pat shakes her head and continues, “Make a list. And it’s helpful if you look at it, unlike me, who makes lists that end up at the bottom of my purse. So, put the list in a noticeable place, like on the fridge. And make it realistic, with just 3 or 4 items.”
We agreed that was a good idea.
Pat continued, “So, because it’s not acceptable to wear your underwear inside-out, a load of laundry is on the top of the list today. And make sure the laundry you do is your underwear and not the sheets because that won’t help you get dressed tomorrow! Then, watering the garden is on there because it’s a must. If you don’t have milk for the munchkin, then getting to the grocery store is important. There’s your list.”
She added that it’s also important to ask for help. “Ask your husband to feed the dogs,” she says.
“Then, set your alarm so that you get up early enough to accomplish a few things. It’s important to know how many snoozes you can tolerate. For me, after the fourth time I hit the snooze button, I’ve had it, and I’ll get up. So factor snooze time in, as well.”
Pat also stated that it’s important to know your limits. “If you’ve had a bad day, and you’re in a foul mood, maybe you should ask for help so that you don’t kill any humans today.” She looked at me, “On those days, call your mom and ask her to pick up the wee one from school because if you have to do it, somebody won’t make it home.” She closes her eyes and smiles. Another colleague doesn’t love the comment about somebody not making it home, but Pat explains. “Really, sometimes the stress can be so high that you feel that way. Doesn’t mean you’ll hurt anyone, but you just feel like you’ve reached your wits’ end, and it’s important to ask for help when that occurs.”
Finally, she insists that we make time for ourselves. “With the summer and kids and all that’s going on, you have to value yourself enough to set aside time for you, even if it’s just reading the Sunday paper in bed. It’s important to give yourself some time every week, or resentment can build up.”
And throughout the crazy week, breathe.